Honesty

Words, ideas, belch out onto a page,
tears cloud my vision,
anger is a red haze in the back of my mind,
joy creeps peacefully through my body,
love is ever-present in my heart.

I've tried to change my patterns,
no more running in circles, dizzily falling down,
no more fear to say what is necessary and right.
And yet it is all a curse and without trying,
my patterns continue to bite me.

Gifts of truth, gifts of energy.
Thanks and gratitude, yet sadness
as I live on the outskirts of social arenas
craving closeness and yet knowing it is forbidden.
Loneliness while alone, yet surrounded and full.

Honesty is a path of loneliness, and yet,
it is truth that attracts me more than any other
in the search for knowledge, love, happiness.
For all the times I have considered walking with another
my patterns return me to the path of myself.

Am I to walk alone forever?
Is this the price of that which I desire?
Arms ache to hold, lips ache to kiss,
heart aches to be filled and to feel that from another.
To be alone, forbidden to be complete?