Seeker

I know you are out there...
I can feel you sometimes.
I can hear your thoughts,
feel your laughter,
sense your presence.
I can feel your energy surrounding me
with love and adoration,
caressing my memories of us
from so long ago, so far away.
I turn around and you are gone.
A figment of my imagination.
I keep thinking I've found you,
to my embarrassment and chagrin.
I know you're looking for me too.
I'm impatient.
We've had this eternal bliss,
taken for granted,
now lost temporarily.
I miss you.
I await our reunion.

Retreat

Why must it hurt so much
cries my soul's lament.
Tattered wings drawn in tightly,
scant protection from the cold.
Internal fire grows dim,
life's essence slips away.
Affected too much by this --
why is something so small
so hard?
Tears won't fall anymore,
they wither and die,
frozen in my eyes.
My heart grows weak,
the beat grows dim,
mere ashes where once was fire.

Dizzy

Disbelief, sadness...
an apology in the making.
Confusion, sorrow...
where is strength now?
The aftermath is difficult,
perspective changes all...
cruel barbs flung
unthinking
cannot change it now
Words, words, words...
Will not take all the blame.
Lying on a cold hard floor,
voices in my head...
perspective is a cruel thing,
possibilities left and right.
I see, I hear, I feel, I speak
the filter sometimes absent...
Cold and dead
Alive and well
I write...I write...

Contemptable Weakness

rapacious fool
honey on your lips
lust and lies in your eyes
heat from your loins
desire in your touch
my weakness in mortal form
irresistible to my nature

A Plea

i stand in front of majestic waves
on the sandy shore of my future
my arms are spread open wide
the wind is in my hair
salt spray washes over my willing body
on a brightly moonlit night
oh peaceful stars embrace me
bring comfort to your child

Conflicted

She bends, she bows, so beautifully,
so graceful in her worship.
A willing slave to her own desires,
to the familiar always repeating.
impulsive
reactive
Her flexible nature a curse in itself
for she contorts to their every whim.
She chases freedom across fiery skies
yet craves still shackles and collar.
honest
loving
willing

Betrayed, an Awakening

Lately she's been blinded by hope
and seduced by potential in life.
Her trusting heart, though strong,
has been betrayed yet again tonight.
Whether intended platonic or more,
a lie is a lie is a lie.
Circular patterns repeating themselves,
but the ride merely stops this time.

The demon rises mighty dark,
stopped dead cold in his tracks.
He takes a breath and swallows hard,
and then wisely takes a step back.
The angel rises glorious light,
tonight clothed all in black.
Smiling vengeful and vindictive,
she slowly draws her sword.

At her core she is soft
of that there's no mistake.
'Tis oft forgot by and by tho
the steel 'round her heart.
Scared and naive, hardly she
tested by the trials of life.
Bitter strength forged and temper'd
then hardened in the fires.

He feels the breath of destiny
hotly on the nape of his neck.
But every time he turns to see,
she laughs and dances back.
Oh he who thinks himself so strong,
oh he who stands so proud.
Ascended fool, still so blind,
still stubborn, small, and young.

Today the Universe gave her a gift,
her gratitude knows no bounds.
She was shown that which she desires,
something coveted above all else.
Shining truth in all its bitterness,
honesty painful though true.
The huntress rests, licking her paws,
and dreams of a mate worth her time.

Anticipation

Fear bubbles up.
crippling
unwanted
unasked for
The well of emotion,
buried for so long.
it was assumed dry
Volcanic pressure builds,
threatens to explode.
Discipline.
Composure.
Longing...

The Dance

My eyes fill with tears,
threatening to spill into the ether.
Memories of what-might-be,
underneath a full crystal moon.
They dance, jabbing and sparring,
anticipating each other's next move.
Distracted by words, fascinated by thoughts,
each draws the other in a little more.
Defenses lowered, but still wary,
they face each other,
both battling the arch-enemies hope and fear.
Formidable opponents, breathtaking allies.
Oh my, words on a page...

The two stand before one another.
Naked, unmasked.
Vulnerable.
All the veils have been dropped,
all pretenses have been shed.
They have come out of curiosity,
out of longing, and in spite of their trepidation.
Tiptoed into a public room,
magnificent wild beasts, strong and proud,
both drawing stares from the assembled crowd.
Focussed. Wary.
Subconscious voices whispering secret intentions
the conscious mind refuses to acknowledge.
Pillars of flame, blinding in their intensity.

Dream

With intensity I have learned to glow.
Sweetly bitter, articulately poignant,
I've dug a grave and laid my past to rest.
Ears pricked, I scent the winds of change again.
Head turned into the light breeze,
I close my eyes and wait, patient beast.
Muscles coiled in ferocious intensity,
the restless huntress arises within.
At rest, but never at peace.
I've heard the call after an eternal wait;
in my minds' eye a vision rises.
With ferocity, intensity, passion,
I worship before an alter of darkness.
He is there in all his magnificence as always,
though I can never see who he is.
King, lover, master, lord.
My only equal.
Wielding rod and flail as only he knows how,
communing, demanding, understanding.
Knowing.
He lovingly caresses me as no other has before,
innately familiar, instinctively aware.
He deliciously, expertly, maps a journey of flesh and mind
that plunges deeply, thrusts to my very core.
The depths of emotion know no bounds.
Cry out in joy and ecstasy, pain and fear,
whilst tears freely flow;
opened fully in surrender and supplication,
whilst laughing with abandon,
yet writhing in agony.
Lust.
Lines blurred, edges fogged.
Terror.
Relief.
Catharsis.
Bodies and minds meld into one whole,
a temple worthy of worship,
a world existing only in our minds.

The Stranger

A hand stretches out across the ether,
tentative, cautious, daring.
Extended in friendship and curiosity,
gently prodding the barriers.
A vulnerable, fragile, empathetic core
balanced with pure unadulterated darkness;
surrounded with walls of stone and steel,
covered with curtains of silk.
If the stranger asks, he will receive
perhaps more than he ever bargained.
Whisper of silk as it drops to the ground,
hardness of stone underfoot.
The ring of metal and it's cold kiss on flesh
agony and ecstasy entwine.
Sweetly submitting to darkness and evil,
the beautiful, poetic surrender.
And yet, the light calls, the heat of day seduces;
again the battle of duality.
She who is dark reluctantly shifts, makes way;
she who is light floats onward.
Where is he, the stranger who dwells in the night,
the one who infiltrates our dreams?
He who is man both light and dark;
within one soul, two natures.

And Again

circular patterns repeating
repeating
round and round
until i'm dizzy and nauseous
let me off this ride
it's not fun anymore

Diabolical, poignant, articulate one!
Dear me, do I also sense duality in you?
So similar, so different...
Familiar strangers,
I've called that before.

go away leave me be
stop lying
stop torturing me
my soul aches
my heart laid bare
a familiar path i walk again

Soul twin, so similar in nature!
Am I the only one who sees?
My vision blinds me...
Deceptive truth,
Though perhaps it's not.

My Conflict

You've been gone for hours now.
Our time together was short and tumultuous as always.
I keep wondering if we were doomed from the start;
I keep wondering what, if anything, is between us.
I can still smell you on my sheets, on me.
I want to wrap myself in scent and memories, comfort.
I can still feel your presence near me, in me.
In the dark, in the early hours, everything seems so simple.
Soft words whispered intimately to each other.
Is it honesty or bullshit in the dark?
When the lights come back on, why do I forget the laughter;
The simple joy of being near you, joining with you.
Why does the paranoia and uncertainty set in?
Why do you have to feel so damn good?
Why does it have to feel so damn right yet so wrong?
You're right, somehow we do fit...
I was supposed to end this mess.
I was supposed to leave.
I can but I can't.
Problem is, I don't want to.

Searching in Agony

How do I escape this world of suffering and pain?
Suppose the question is whether I want to escape from it or to it...
I have reawakened that inside me best left dormant.
she wants to play she is hungry
I dream of a world where I have no conscience.
to frolic to play to destroy
Where life has no value.
pleasure
darkness
empty
i dream of pain once again
Oh dark one find me!
The battle wages,
the field my mind, my body.

Gratitude

My love is vast and eternal.
It is a gaping, raw-edged wound,
Fragile, strong, beautiful in its complexity.
It is safe harbor, refuge from the storm;
Infinite, comforting solace for those who seek it.
My forgiveness is boundless;
It is given freely always.
My gratitude is plentiful,
For the creativity and multitude gifts bestowed upon me.
I am, and forever will be blessed.
I smile at the benevolence of the universe.
I am awed and humbled by its excess.