Story 1

I blink. I’m lying here naked, out of breath, and a little sweaty in an unfamiliar bed, slightly uneasy and unsure of what the next move is going to be. It’s a little like a poker game, these situations. One is never sure what the other person is thinking, what is truly going on in their brain, unless they are completely transparent. And this guy is definitely not transparent. Well, OK, maybe he is.

Turning my head slightly, I glance over at the naked man lying next to me who is responsible for my current condition. Now, what is his name again? I sigh internally, James? John? Jim? Ahhh yes, Jason. Well, really, does it matter? I mean, with a body like that who cares what his name is. Besides, I’m moving to a new city soon and obviously this isn’t going to turn into some kind of a relationship because goddess knows I don’t do long distance for a reason, so…

But truly, this isn’t the first time this has happened and I need to stop finding myself in these situations. It’s not healthy and it’s damn hard to keep the names straight. Why am I worrying about his name again? It’s not as if he’s going to remember mine and what do I really care since I’m not going to see him again.

Dammit girl, what were you thinking? Going over to some strange guy’s place for a “bottle of wine and a movie”. Knowing your history, what did you think was going to happen? And knowing men, did you honestly think he just wanted a bottle of wine and a movie and to talk and get to know you? Geez, you should know better than that by now.

Well, time to get it over with. I glance over at him again. He’s lying there on his back in all his glory, his beautiful body still glistening a little. One arm underneath his head, the other flung over his face. This is always the awkward part.

I clear my throat. “Ummmm…so I guess that’s my cue then?”

He grunts and moves his arm, opening one eye. “Hmmm? Oh. Ummm, you can stay if you want, but I have to be up really early tomorrow.”

Translation: ‘Hmmm, oh are you still here? Ummm, get the hell out.’ Amazing what one can learn from inflection, intonation, and experience. At least this one is a bit of a gentleman. He didn’t come right out and say it. Not that I would stay even if he meant the offer, I never do.
“No, if you have to get up I should let you sleep. It’s late and I know it’s hard to sleep with a strange person in your bed.”

He shrugs and continues to lie there, half asleep. I guess it’s time. I sit up and climb over him. Now comes the challenging part, finding my clothes in the dark in a strange apartment. I laugh internally. Yup, a real gentleman, even offering to turn on a light for me.
I make my way over to the couch in his tiny bachelor suite, remembering that my shirt came off over in that area about an hour or so ago. There is a little light coming in through the window from the street light outside. I find my shirt and my bra and at least I’m now half clothed. I’m pulling on my jeans when he decides that it’s time to talk.

“Well, I wasn’t expecting that,” he says as I’m searching for my socks.

“Ummm, yeah. Right.” I laugh. “Invite a girl that you’ve never met over to watch movies and drink a bottle of wine and it didn’t ever cross your mind that you might get some?” Damn, sometimes these guys really think that I’m stupid. Guess the blonde hair makes them a little confused or something. I’ve found one sock and I’m searching under the couch for the other one.
At this stage, the awkwardness really sets in. I hate this part…trying to get dressed and get the hell out as quickly as possible while trying to engage in awkward, post-sex conversation. Ah ha, victory! Found the other sock. I sit down on the couch for a second to pull on my socks while mentally cursing the bastard for the lack of light in the place.

“Well at least it was good,” he says lamely.

“Yeah, it was fantastic. Thanks.” At least I’m not lying about that, it was pretty fucking amazing. And at least I didn’t have to “remind” this one to wrap the package before delivery. Geez, do they really think that we don’t notice when they try to ‘sneak in’ without protection? Do they really think that we’re that stupid in this day and age? I mean, I hate condoms as much as the next person, but that’s a superiorly stupid idea. I guess the scary part is that if they keep trying it must mean that they do succeed occasionally. Which is really risky when one thinks about the diseases running rampant these days. Makes me want to stand up and yell at all the girls out there to protect themselves and stop being so dumb.

I stand up and make my way across the bachelor suite to the door. At least my eyes have adjusted to the darkness now. Standing at the door, I try to pull on my shoes as quickly as possible while trying not to fall over (balance is an issue tonight for some reason, perhaps because of the wine). The urge to bolt is getting stronger and stronger. And he’s still lying on his bed, but now he’s rolled over onto his side and removed his arm from across his face. He’s half watching me, half asleep.

Chivalry is dead. OK, well that’s far too much of a blanket statement and I know it’s not true, but chivalry is certainly dead in this little pigeonhole basement suite. So for some reason, I’m still standing at the door, unsure of what to do. I’ve been in this position so many times before that you’d think I’d know what to do at this stage. Usually though, the guys are human enough to at least see me to the door and wish me a good night or something like that.

Oh, finally, he’s hauling his ass up and putting on a robe. Wait a minute. A robe? What the hell? Now that’s funny! Twenty minutes ago he was inside of me and then we were lying naked next to each other. He just spent the last few minutes watching me get dressed while lying completely naked on his bed, and now suddenly he feels the need to be modest. Whatever. As he’s pulling on his robe he says, “So, you’re going then?”

I almost laugh out loud. Ummm, no, I just spent the last five minutes, in the dark, searching for my clothes and getting dressed so that I can stay. I’m standing at your door with my hand on the door handle because I want to spend an intimate night cuddling naked in your bed with you so that I can be woken up after a horrible night’s sleep at some ungodly hour because you have to work. Astute observation, you moron.

Not sure what to say, so I say the first thing that comes to mind, “Yup, looks like it.”

“Well, it was nice meeting you.”

Yup, I’m sure it was. I’m sure that I’m going down in the history books of your life as the amazing one night stand that got away. And I’m sure that you’ll remember more than the fact that you got laid when you get up tomorrow. “Ummm, yeah, you too.”

He leans in and gives me an awkward hug while simultaneously opening the door. I must admit, that is a good move. Almost like he’s practiced it before. “Drive safely.”