Hanging in the Balance

Summoned, she stands before him,
his request suspended unspoken between them.
Unflinching, she looks deeply into his eyes,
drops her gauzy veils and issues a dare.
Reflected within limpid pools of indeterminate color
he may see all that she is, all that she will be.
Sorrow, pain, anguish, rage,
joy, ecstasy, love, compassion, confusion.
A soundless cry is released to the four corners
for elemental wisdom, for answers.
The replies are typical.
Earth merely grunts with tones of growth and comfort.
Air playfully whispers answers lost in the breeze.
Fire responds licking with heat and tongues of passion.
Water gurgles playfully, running past without care.
And so she is left to decide for herself.
Uncertainty requires reflection.

You Again...

My frustration beats a tempo
inside my thick cottony skull.
Is deprivation the answer?
The brilliant plan was to enlighten,
to make it all clearer.
Whenceforth I find things hazier.

I dreamed of you again last night.
Your presence beside me,
masculine and strong, warm and gentle.
You invaded my dreams, waking dreams.
Did you feel it too?
I struggled against waking,
did not want to leave our world.
Did you feel it too?
Together we fit like no other I've felt,
our minds merging in melodious harmony,
our bodies entwined in love, lust, passion,
our souls meshed in comfort and softness.
Content merely to lay with you,
feeling you, touching you, breathing with you,
being at one with you.

And yet, I know not your face.
Though I have faith you exist somewhere.
Still you are hazy in my mind's eye.
Until we meet one day soon...

And now...

...I finally realize.

The pieces have fallen into place,
I understand what was missing.
I love you all, the ones I've left behind.
That love came out of acceptance
of all you are, of all you can be,
of the light I saw shining within all of you.

I chose to love you all.
And once the choice is made,
it cannot be unmade.
I will carry a piece of all of you
within my heart for all of time.
I will always love you all.
No matter what you feel for me.

Your side is irrelevant.
My closure is my own.
I have more love to give,
but to do so must move on.
Goodbye, farewell, good luck.
Perhaps we'll meet again,
perhaps not.

But none of you can ever escape
the love I hold for each of you in my heart.

The Shallows

Look at all the fish,
swimming in their shallow little bowls.
Many colors, many shapes,
googly eyes staring out of the glass,
uncomprehending and glassy,
pretty, but small and insignificant.
Turning round and round,
same old circles, same old patterns.
I'm tired and I'm bored.
I want to go deeper,
to explore the depths of the ocean.
I want to break out of my little bowl,
and see the great beyond,
stare at the great fish in the deeps.
These little fish are nice to look at,
but there is nothing else there.

Ahhh, the irony...

From he I read love and hope and wishes,
in dark brown eyes set within the face
of a man I know I can never love
in the capacity that he would adore.
It saddens me, it hurts my heart.
Here is provided goodness, love, gentleness,
and it is not what I would take.
Here in front of me is the soul of a man
who would give all for merely a night.
And how do I repay this generosity?
With rejection, though it is mere honesty.
Is this not what I have asked for?
Is this not my heart's desire?
Yes and no, the conflicted answer,
to the ironic request of the universal force.
It is somewhat of that which I have asked,
and I treasure the friendship that has evolved,
but the flip side of the coin is a request.
And it has been requested.

true nature?

icy circles spinning sideways
concentric lines standing parallel

i sit, listening to the music of rain
slamming against my window
pattering on the concrete outside
though i am warm and dry
a chill runs up my spine

the elements roil against one another
at war, constant conflict within myself
contradiction has always been my way
fearlessness always just out of reach
control i cling to fiercely with all limbs

moment to moment, beat by beat
letting all go creates the symphony
lest life pass me by in a whirlwind
of riotous sound and melodious color
whilst i sit in a cage of my own design

balance is that which i seek
and companionship for the remaining journey

shhhhh

soar with me on waves of light
tiptoe through the ether
peeking through the strands of time
smile at what is unknown
cottony clouds of nothingness
clinging to our earthly veils
holding us fixed in our paths
lest we stray as we do