A Wish

Enveloped in warmth,
caring arms before a fire.
Soft words whispered
from the lips of a love
to the ear of a beloved.
Crisp mountain air,
falling autumn leaves.
Sun setting over the ocean
in pink and orange and red.
Lovers breath,
warm on the neck.
Soft laughter, giggles,
bottle of champagne.
Celebration.
Alone together.
One night in a lifetime.
Bliss.
Ecstasy.

Flawed

cracks on the surface
the flaws run deep
caution and care
no
not delicate though
beauty and grace
a hidden prize
yes
love to be discovered
caring and wealth
cherish and adore

My Crazy World

guardians of unreality
at the gateposts of the underworld
solid crumbling stone
blue grey black and green
fierce and unknowing
stolid and steadfast
in the face of the known

standing on the edge of the precipice
over a fall into nowhere
staring down into fullness
and up into emptiness
alone and yet surrounded
empty and yet somehow full
bursting at the seams

crack of thunder blast of lightening
channeling energy through the abyss
what should hurt does not
what should not always does
small and mundane
somehow always large and important
black day red night

sun rises below moon rises under
everything is nothing
rediscovery of that which is unknown
learning that which is known
they who were are no longer
what should be is nevermore
what will be is yet to be determined

streaming in my head
thoughts turning over one another
squirming squeezing squishing
pounding and beating to get out
consciousness is unconscious
they fight they scream they cry
they laugh they speak they die

crazy am i crazy
merely true merely real
unreality is truth and reality
secrets long visible for all to reach
but no one really looks
opening the mind dropping the defenses
all too much all too much

Fanciful Thoughts

Beautiful words, fanciful ideas,
tugging at the apron strings
of my soul.
Petulant children,
annoying and impractical.
I turn away, brush them off,
push them away,
but still they have hold,
tugging and pulling relentlessly.
Somehow petulance and annoyance
have become endearing;
weaseled into my consciousness
and ingrained themselves!
My defense mechanisms
no longer work;
the walls are so thin now,
threatening to crumble,
so that I lie vulnerable and true.
A mere breath, soft breeze
tears the membrane away
and there I am.
My creativity and freedom,
lain dormant for so long,
now unleashed and free to roam.
Within that which I have feared
I find that for which I have searched.
Freedom and creativity and truth
in vulnerability.
Ironic, non?

Suddenly

All of a sudden,
out of the blue,
I realize it's true.
I'll never forget you.
Any of you.

But suddenly,
futility at caring,
freedom in sharing,
letting go is daring.
I am daring.

Epiphany!
Though there is love,
It's over.
And I'm done caring.
I release you all.

Relinquished to the past,
staring at the future.
Casting off my shackles,
embracing possibility.
First breath of the present.

Moment to moment...
So free,
so right,
so perfect.
Suddenly, I can breathe again!

Freedom

In the here and now,
I sit,
I exist,
I contemplate.
The past has been written,
nothing can be altered.
It affects the present,
but does not rule it
unless we allow that.
Acceptance.
The future is irrelevant,
what will occur is unknown
and exciting and terrifying.
Adrenaline.
Exhilaration.

In this moment,
I feel light, calm, centered.
More certain and tranquil.
No longer will I allow myself
to be controlled by others.
My only master
henceforth is myself.
No more silence,
no more submission,
no more servitude or surrender.
Strength and solidity define me.
Chin lifted, defiant.

The room is furnished, warm, inviting.
Windows and doors are flung open.
I sit, I exist in the present,
allowing whatever may be to approach,
welcoming, loving, embracing.
Truth seeker,
truth teller,
truth knower.
I am ready.
To sit alone, to sit together,
no difference
but companionship.
I move from the room when I wish,
roaming, exploring,
returning when I choose.

A smile creeps across my face.
I am home,
I am whole.
Content.
Peaceful.

Rockabilly

God I miss you.
Intensely.
The way you smell,
the way you feel,
the way we fit each other.
The way we laughed,
the way we talked,
the man that you are,
the man I know that you can be.
I keep wondering
if I made a terrible mistake.
If I played out the ending
before it had even begun.
I keep wondering
what happened to us,
where we went wrong.
Was it something I said?
Was it something I did?
I don't even know if we
were ever meant to be
or if you were merely
a stop along my journey.
Why have you crossed my mind
so damn much lately?
Damn you, I fell for you.
And then you dropped me,
no phone call, no message,
no talking it through.
You just walked away.

God I miss you.
Intensely.