Tonight...

dance lightly though my heart is heavy
don't want to be alone with my thoughts tonight
feels like walking on the edge of the world
caught between worlds of moon and sky
spiders crawling on the back of my neck
shadows of moonlight in my eyes
slippery icicles up and down my spine
crystal sound in the calm still air

sharp hazy focus

Breakdown

Still...
I open my mouth
to scream
and no sound comes out.
No one hears.
I tear at my hair,
I stomp my feet,
I bellow and rail and moan.
No one hears.
Quiet tears trail
a course down my face
and my heart
gentle heart
shatters into a million shards.
No one hears.
No one sees.
Fingernails tear
at my face
my arms
my body,
bloody trails torn open.
No one sees.
I slump on cold stone
battered, broken,
alone.
No one sees.
Invisible...

Odd Dream

Precious sleep,
protected by the guardians of the night.
Mayhap to dream,
consciousness extending into the abyss.
I walk.
I observe.
There lies a stone,
black as alabaster,
dark against even the night.
The moon and sun rise as one.
Red and white collide.
There are three, yet there is one.
And yet, there are six, but two.
And no!
It is still one...complete, whole.
Mysteries of the night.
Understanding lost,
in the light of day.
Reaching for that just out of my grasp.
Sorrow...

I Ache

I ache...
To put my hand on your face,
to feel the live beat of your heart,
to touch the softness of your skin,
feel your breath on my neck.
I ache...
To know the taste of your skin,
the feel of your lips on mine,
to be enfolded in your arms,
surrounded by your warmth, your scent.
I ache...
To look into your eyes,
whatever may be mirrored there.
To touch your pain
and to show you mine.
I ache...
To be held, loved, cherished...
to hold, to love, to cherish...
I ache to see the man I know you can be.

Look Deeper

teetering atop a pillar
a flawed vessel
cracked and worn by time
at first glance 'tis merely aged
broken
look closer
see the surface cracks in the gloss
decoration hastily applied
layers added here and there
by various owners over time
spidery lines spreading in patterns
see the deeper cracks and chips
evidence of a life
proof that it was used
maybe abused
perhaps loved
both
some have been repaired
some remain bestowing character
personality
the vessel is still useful
whole
though discarded by most
priceless to some
who can see its value as treasure
yet it teeters atop a pillar
threatening to fall
threatening to break
even if it shatters
razor shards on stone
it may be lovingly reconstructed
soft hands
gentle heart
'twill be cracked and scarred
mostly whole
and always there is a chance
that it will be caught
and cushioned mid-fall

Masks

Little lies we tell ourselves,
running 'round my mind.
Little masks we always wear,
now hidden from myself.
Cracked at the seams,
spilling forth,
truth oozing free from deception.
Who sees true within this life
beneath the hurt and despair?

I was Wrong

Oh horror!
Blindness and idiocy!
I was wrong...

There is a cave within my mind,
a place I return to time and again.
It is dark and damp and cold.
It is a place of depression, of wallowing;
there I spend many inspired times.
Once I thought chains held me there,
in time I thought I was bound.
Felt shackled and caged, cramped.
Tortured by the hellfires, unable to breathe.

But the sun still shines high above,
birds still sing, and there is no need to weep.
I can leave anytime I wish...I have only to walk.
I can run and dance and twirl and jump
in the meadows of love and hope.
The chains with which I fixed myself
lie broken and useless within.
Joy springs from the eternal well.

I wrap myself in the warmth of love,
in the joy of passion and new friends.
Though I'll try to forget, I never will.
Memories tend to haunt me forever.
But I've learned and I've lost and I've been wrong.
I can admit it and I cherish it well.
Understanding may one day break through clouds;
forgiveness, though hard, already has.